I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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