Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
