I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
