So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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