two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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