Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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