I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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