yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
