You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you would pick up someone in the library
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
