Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
