very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
