a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
