The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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