i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
