I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
