dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
