Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
