Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
