If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize