so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
BRING THE BAGELS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
