The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
