Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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