We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
