We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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