guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
