$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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