She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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