WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
