just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Operation Purity has been aborted
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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