clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
