we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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