Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
