All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
