She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
