So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
