i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
