your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
