i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
