This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
