I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
