Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
