Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
