I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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