I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
