Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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