What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
