omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
