My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were trust falling into bushes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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