He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
