My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
pop tarts are not kleenex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
