Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
