Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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