in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
