you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
